all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
