She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
