This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize