what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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