i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize