she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You just made me feel so damn special
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
