You're my little dorito
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
