yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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