Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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