They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
