Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I am never drinking with the goths again.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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