we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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