Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
