I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize