Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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