so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
