Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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