First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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