Four minutes until I can fart!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We had sex on a dog bed..
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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