I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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