I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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