I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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