so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize