So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
