News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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