I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
