Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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