I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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