He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize