if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
