she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Are we still banned from the library?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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