Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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