Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
