see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
