Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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