I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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