Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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