Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
