I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
