I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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