my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
