If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
