my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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