Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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