There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
