When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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