so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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