im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Randomize
