he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
