It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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