What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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