Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
