Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
