i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
