the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
