Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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