Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she smelled like a LAN party
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
