If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
