She is in my trunk
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
