Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize