I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i think i have two assholes
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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