I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
