So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
