But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
