You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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