Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
