You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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