got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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