Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
