You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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