i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
