your parents love me but you hate me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize