i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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