I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
