hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
ok first of all what the fuck
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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