it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize